OUR JOY WILL BE WORTH OUR PAIN
By Ron Armstrong
Emily stood there, joyful in her white gown. She had waited a long time for this to happen. This was her moment. The wedding she had planned, saved for, and cried over, was finally happening. The music had played, the bridesmaids had walked, and the people had stood as the wedding march echoed through the small church. This was the moment. The beginning of her future.
Her father fidgeted beside her as he anxiously waited for the pastor to ask him to recite his one and only line. The pastor had explained it thoroughly to her father. “I will ask you, ‘Who giveth this woman in marriage to this man?’ and then you say, ‘Her mother and I.”
Emily could tell that her father was nervous, but she wasn’t. She couldn’t be more sure of anything in her life. This was the man, this was the moment, and her future was wrapped around her like a warm blanket.
The pastor asked the question, and her father beamed as he recited his line with assurance. She confidently took two steps forward and reached for the hand of the man she was destined for. It felt strange taking those two steps; she sensed that she was two steps closer to her future. She knew her future was beside this man.
The wedding organizer had walked everyone through the ceremony several times on the night of the rehearsal but she didn’t need to explain anything to this bride. Emily had memorized every detail as she rehearsed it in her mind for so long. She knew every step. Walk down the aisle slowly, stop, wait for the song to end, the pastor will ask the question, father will answer, kiss father, two steps forward, look into eyes of groom as two carefully selected songs begin to play. She knew every step of this dance.
As the music began she turned to Jim and slowly raised her face to look into his eyes. She was in no hurry. She knew she loved him completely and he loved her without reservation. But as she met his eyes, she knew something was wrong. Jim’s normally self-assured face was drawn. He looked like he hadn’t slept, and even though she had never really seen him frightened, he looked frightened now.
“Oh Jim, what’s wrong?” she whispered. “You look scared to death.”
“I am.”
“Aren’t you sure? Don’t you want this?” She felt cold fingers of terror reaching out for her.
“I am sure. Of course I want this.”
“Then why the frightened look? You look like you’re about to pass out.”
“I need to tell you something. I know we love each other and I am sure I want to marry you but you need to know something before we do.”
She began to relax and her fear began to subside. There was no confession on earth that would change her mind. There was no sin she would not forgive nor flaw she would not overlook. There was nothing he could say to her that would cause her to love him less or decide not to marry him. She thought to herself, “let him get his failure off his chest and then marry him. He is the one. He is your soul-mate.”
While the music played he began haltingly, “I’ve had a dream. It’s a dream about our future. Something awful is going to happen.”
“Don’t be silly” she whispered. “It was only a dream. By tomorrow you will have forgotten all about it.”
Somehow he managed to look even more frightened.
“I know,” he stammered. “We will both forget it. We will have a beautiful wedding and a wonderful reception and by tomorrow we will both have forgotten what is going to happen if we get married. We will go on a wonderful honeymoon and live a wonderful life. But when it happens, we will remember that we knew all along that it would.”
She knew better than to believe in dreams and there was no way in the world that she was going to walk away from this wedding she had wanted for so long, but still, something inside her made her want to know. “What is he so afraid of?”
“What could happen that would make you so afraid? We can face anything together.” She could almost visibly see his mind working, trying to decide whether to answer her question.
“We will have two sons” he began. “They will be beautiful and healthy and will be the apple of our eyes. We will love them more than breath and every day we have them we will fall deeper in love with them. We will laugh with them and I will wrestle with them and you will make them lunches and take them to school. They will grow into handsome young men and we will begin to dream of the girls they will marry and of the grandchildren we will have. We will tell ourselves stories of grand trips and lessons we will teach and treasures we will share with them. But then …”
Emily stared at Jim and she felt ice in her stomach. She knew. She knew what Jim was going to say next. Somehow she had always known. She could not name the night or even the year but somehow when she heard this, she knew. She couldn’t even tell if it was from one dream or several, but she knew what was about to happen in Jim’s dream.
Quietly she whispered to Jim, “And then the oldest will die.”
Jim was not astonished that she knew. Somehow he knew she would. He looked down at her and choking back tears simply said, “Yes, the oldest will die.”
Emily struggled on, “And darkness will envelope us and every breath will be a struggle and it will feel like there will never be another happy moment. We will pray for our lives to end but they won’t and then, when we think there is no greater pain we could feel, we will remember this moment. We will remember that we chose this pain during this wedding ceremony.”
“Yes”, Jim rasped.
“What should we do?” she pleaded.
“We should get married.”
“But Jim, why? Why would you still marry me?”
“I will marry you because ‘better is one day in your courts than a thousand elsewhere.’ Our joy will be worth our pain.”
Many remarked what a beautiful ceremony it was and how touching it was when both Jim and Emily began to weep. The pastor smiled and felt a little weepy himself as their tears of joy flowed. With this kind of love he knew they had a bright future together.
Jim and Emily were blessed with a lovely family. Each time a baby was born Jim and Emily both cried tears of joy. People would tease them about it and remind them about how the two of them had even cried at their wedding. Jim and Emily always felt a little funny because they didn’t really remember crying at their wedding. They just remembered their wedding day as the beginning of their beautiful family.
“Jim, Emily, and their two boys knew they had a bright future.”